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The Day the Earth Stood Still: Presence of Trauma in Time Experience


Ortal Slobodin, Ph.D
i-psy (intercultural psychiatry), Duivendrecht, The Netherlands
 HYPERLINK "mailto:ortal_saroff@yahoo.com" ortal_saroff@yahoo.com
+31-653635343 The Day the Earth Stood Still: Presence of Trauma in Time Experience

Abstract

The current paper describes the theoretical and empirical aspects of time-experience development and its disruption following trauma. The basic assumption is that acute interferences during the early stages of life result in disruption in time experience. In the psychoanalytic setting, these disruptions may be expressed in the patient's desire to live in a timeless world, which does not involve any acknowledgement of reality demands. Clinical examples are used to illustrate how traumatic history is manifested in the patient's time experience and in the psychoanalytic dialogue. 

Key Words: Time, Time-experience, Trauma, Psychotherapy
The Day the Earth Stood Still: Presence of Trauma in Time Experience

"Love is a transfusion of time: when a couple lie down at night they are fulfilled with the time they lost during the day" (1)

"I want things to happen on my time" was a fantasy frequently expressed by my patient, Helena, whose conflicts around time and timelessness took center stage in her psychotherapy. For this patient, the pressure to adjust to the external world abruptly penetrated the fully adapted, timeless, holding environment. This premature acknowledgment of time and reality became evident in the psychotherapeutic relationship as her need to be fully protected from objective time. 
This paper discusses the relation between time and trauma from a developmental perspective. I suggest that because time experience develops within the early relation, traumatic interferences to the primary maternal environment may be manifested as distortions of time experience. Thus, ongoing struggles with time limitations and setting may be understood and treated therapeutically as indicators of traumatic occurrence in the early history of the patient.

The development of time experience

According to the intersubjective view, the experience of time emerges within the earliest relationship between mother and child. Therefore, concepts of time always carry the presence of the other (2). 
Experiences of time are already evident in the prenatal life. Suzan Maiello (3), who studies the prenatal conditions of autistic children, suggested that the sound of the mother's voice, alternating with silence, may give the child his first experiences of both presence and absence. When the inborn baby perceives the sounds of his mother's heartbeat, bloodstream, or breathing, it is exposed to the continuality of life. These sound components become the basis for the constitution of a prenatal proto-object with sound qualities called the �sound object.�
In her paper, "Time and the other," Priel (2) described how time experience is created within the relationship between baby and mother. The beginning of life (also called the �time of togetherness�) is characterized by an adapted holding environment, with the objective of protecting the child from internal and external disruptions. During this phase, time is cyclic and endless, without acknowledging the real, external time. In a short story by Etgar Keret (4), "A Lullaby for Time," he elegantly described how the mother absorbs the painful consequences of time for her children. In the story, the mother �puts the time to sleep� for her sleeping children: "Every night we went to beds�mom would start singing a slow and weird melody. Its monotonic cycle, which merged with the sounds of the pendulum, went for some time. Gradually, she used to slow down the rhythmus of her singing, to stretch her words out, and to delay the sounds. Along with her singing, the pendulum movement would also slow down. We used to watch the pendulum slowing down until it completely stopped. There is no place for explanations in a timeless world, but for a moment we could see life as they were, pure and clean and not filled with aspirations and expectations. I felt that mom's song gave me a moment of sanity, free of mystery and fear." As the story continues, the mother dies, and the children are left to �put the time to sleep� on their own. 
During normal development, the absolute adaption of the mother to the baby's needs is gradually reduced. While the baby anticipates his mother, he starts to imagine and symbolize her. This development of thinking and representation detaches the baby from reality into symbolization and brings the possibility of movement in time (5). Because time serves as a mental container of absence, this phase of time development is called the �time of separation� (2). 
When the environment does not provide enough opportunities to tolerate absence and frustration, the normal development of time perception is disrupted. Levov (6) points out to the important link between the awareness of time passing and the concept of separation. According to Levov, when parents cannot tolerate the separation from their child, they avoid presenting the significance of time in their relationship with him. Because no separation could occur without a recognition of reality (and in particular, recognizing the loss involved in reality), he called this parental attitude �endless pregnancy.� 
I will illustrate this point with a clinical example. Michelle was a young woman who was born during the 28 weeks of pregnancy, after several miscarriages of her mother. Michelle's parents were very anxious about her and tried to overprotect her in many ways. As a result, she grew up in a very spoiling environment with no limits and developed symptoms of addiction and kleptomania "I have never heard the word 'no,�'' as she described. During my work with Michelle, she used to contact me on the phone and when I could not answer her immediately, I called her back later. More than once, Michelle could not recall the reason for her call, but the thing that was even more surprising was that she did not remember her call at all! 
For Michelle, time was unable to represent the absence of the other but rather amplified her anxiety because it meant a total loss of the object. Therefore, she totally dismissed the history of my unavailability. 
One day, Michelle was 30 minutes late for our meeting. However, she was expecting to receive the full 50-minutes length (i.e., a denial of the lost time). When she realized that our session will be terminated as scheduled, she was furious: "You do nothing later anyway, so what keeps you from going on with me?" This short example is obviously more complicated, but it illustrates the relation between the cognitive development of mentalization and symbolization and the development of time experience: when symbolization processes are interfered, time perception becomes magical and omnipotent without recognizing that time could not be turned back. 
The most developed attitude toward time is called the �use of time� (2). This is a matured phase, which includes the acceptance of time irreversibility and a renunciation of our immortality. According to Freud (7), the capacity to accept time as passing, including our mortality, is dependent upon the ability to mourn. 
This level is hard to reach because it requires the ability to mourn those aspects of life that have already happened and those that would never happen. As Thomas Ogden (8) has written: "we are incapable of both maintain our sanity and genuinely experience our mortality." 
Through healthy development, the mind acquires a sense of continuing from the past, through the present, and into the future, which gradually becomes a cohesive sense of personal identity (9). However, when the developmental process is disrupted, as in the case of trauma, the sense of coherence is compromised, and the dissociative structure becomes fixed (10). Thus, the flexible movement between different self-states in different times is replaced by a rigid structure that blocks out unbearable different aspects of the self (11). 

Time and trauma
The association between time and trauma is complex and two-fold. On the one hand, time distortions serve to protect the individual from the unbearable consequences of trauma. When time stands still, it wards off external excitations, and the trauma remains distant (12-15). On the other hand, this �freezing� of trauma and placing it out of time is exactly the mechanism that keeps the traumatic content unsymbolized and dissociated (9,16). 
How time distortions defend the self from the psychological impact of trauma? According to Freud (12), trauma is expressed in two inescapable mental processes. The first is numbing and distancing from all memories and feeling of the traumatic experience to avoid its intolerable impacts. The second, and somewhat opposite process, is the compulsion to repeat the traumatic experience. This mechanism keeps the trauma close to the organism and assures that the trauma remains active in memory until the individual could process it effectively. The time between the initial traumatic incident and its later manifestation in symptoms was named the �latency period.� This is a �dead� period, which does not permit any novel experience to take place. During this time, the trauma is still active and merely waits for the appropriate moment to reappear.
Seeburger (13) elaborated Freud's ideas and suggested that the �dead time� has a double meaning. It is not only a time of psychic death but also a �time that has to be killed�; time that never pass. During the �dead time,� no real development could occur but only a repetitive behavior aimed to distract one from the real pain. 
Empirical evidence for the protective role of time in traumatic situations could be found in Leonore Terr's studies (15,17), which are among the very few to investigate the effects of trauma on time experience. Through her works with traumatized children and adults, Terr concluded that traumatic narratives contain extreme disturbances in time perception. She argued that time sense is a relatively new evolutionary acquisition and, as such, is easily disrupted by trauma (14, 15,17-19). Hence, disturbances and distortions in time experience are reliable indicators of psychic trauma. According to Terr (17), time disturbances play a defensive and protective role against trauma and aimed to reconstruct the sense of mastery that was undermined by it. For example, prolonged traumatic incidents may be experienced and remembered as foreshortened, whereas instantaneous episodes are experienced as prolonged. The shortening of prolonged events makes it psychologically more possible to tolerate physical and mental pain and to hold off hopelessness, premature collapse, and death. Similarly, the prolongation of short-lived episodes may protect the individual by creating a larger number of potentially effective actions within a very short time (17). Another well-known disturbance of time is the retrospective significance (omen) (17). In this mechanism, the individual searches in his past thoughts and clues to discover a turning point in which another course could have happened or a warning sign or a purpose for the trauma to occur. The efforts to find reason and meaning in the experience protect against the otherwise random terrorizing incident. 
However, survivors experience time as standing still not only during the event. In many cases, one's sense of time remains disrupted for long after the event, because of the dissociation process. Since the traumatic content was not assimilated into preexisting inner models (20), traumatic memories remain unrepresented and dissociated. These disintegrated parts of one's history remain frozen in time, waiting and pressing to be recognized as part of the subjectivity (21). Gorden (22) suggested that traumatized individuals could not create a coherent narrative because of a failure to mourn their loss. In her paper, "Time is on my side," she discussed her work with a son of a holocaust survivor, whose unmet need to mourn caused an unawareness of time passing and the absence of a personal narrative. Due to his identification with his father's denial of the traumatic past, this man refused to acknowledge that his time was finite. He could not make any choice because that would mean an unbearable encounter with loss. Instead, he focused on past unrealized opportunities or on unreal future possibilities. 
In this following example, I wish to illustrate how the inability to mourn past trauma and loss was evident in disrupted time experience and in the incapability to construct a meaningful narrative. Amira was a young woman, who resettled as a refugee in a Western European country. When Amira was three, she had witnessed her mother violently murdered. Since the murder, Amira's father and older siblings avoid any mention of the mother or her horrifying death. No photographs, stories, or memories were available. When Amira began treatment, she was unaware of her dissociative structure. Although she could recall some facts about the murder, she was completely detached from her personal loss: "I feel sorry for my older siblings, they had a mother and they lost her. I have never had a mother� I am the lucky one." It seems that the traumatic separation from the mother as well as the massive denial of the family left the trauma dissociated and unrepresented. For Amira, the links between past, present, and future were disintegrated (23), and her personal narrative was perforated. She was unaware of the continuity of time and the fact that she existed over time. For example, when she did not show up to our meeting, she was totally surprised to hear that I was there and waiting for her. It was like the past left no trace. As a result of the trauma denial, Amira could not establish a living narrative of her history. She could not imagine that she was once a baby: "I was born a grown-up." As the therapy progressed, she gradually started to explore the chains between past and present. Interestingly, she started to be curious and to �play� with my own history. She asked me if I had a long hair when I was younger, how my parents decided on my name, or why I chose psychology. She was very amused by the revelation that everybody was once a baby and found a lot of comfort in that. Later, she could start imagining her own alternative history, if trauma would not have taken place. When she saw a woman of her age carrying heavy bags and being supported by her mother, she started crying: "I wish that I could also have someone like that to help me."
A dramatic example of these processes may be seen in patients with dissociative identity disorder (DID), where the disruption in time experience is fundamental to the dissociative process (9,16). DID patients often report varying degrees of time disorders that range from a perceived discontinuity of time (suddenly finding oneself being somewhere without any recollection of how he got there) to a complete loss of a sense of time (24). Similar to Terr's view, Janet (25, 26) noted that time distortions protect traumatized patients from the intolerable realization of trauma. Hence, an ongoing disturbance of reality and time should be referred and treated as a resistance to realization (25). 
Given the impact of trauma on time experience, I wish to suggest that early interruptions to the continuousness of the timelessness phase (or the �time of togetherness�) might have analogue consequences on the development of time experience. Early, repetitive interruptions or impingements to the primary holding environment (27) penetrate the defensive shield of the self and force the individual to become prematurely aware of the external time and adapt himself to the environment. This failure of the primary environment could be manifested in adulthood as several types of time disturbances. Such patients are often highly functioning, but they present disorientation or confusion regarding time. They may show confusion about the date or the day of the week or have difficulties in following a schedule. (In this context, even the term �dead line� could be considered not only as an ultimate demand of external time but also as a destructive one). In other instances, as the one presented below, time is perceived as an enemy, who interrupts the shared existence with the mother. In transference-counter transference relation, this drama would be enacted in a struggle against the psychoanalytic setting (28), which disrupts the continuity of being (27) with the therapist. Furthermore, these patients express a deep conscious or unconscious fantasy to live in a timeless world, in which they would not be forced to adapt themselves to others' expectations and needs.  
In the following clinical example, I will describe how interruptions during the primary phase of life (the �time of togetherness�) are manifested in the therapeutic situation and how it is possible to reach patients who need to be protected from the painful consequences of time. 

Clinical Material

Helena was a woman in her 40s, married and had three children. When she was two and a half years old, her sister was born with a series of neurological impairment. This situation required long hospitalizations so that both parents were often away from home. During her childhood, the primary caregiver of Helena was her aunt, who moved to live with the family. Helena used to call her �mom.� Helena remembered herself as a responsible and mature child but also recalled episodes in which she hit her younger sister and was terrified she irreversibly injured her. 
Helena reached psychotherapy following prolonged disthymia. She was very successful in her work and dedicated to her family, but she felt lonely and exhausted and was longing for someone who could recognize her needs. For example, one day, she asked her adolescent daughter to help her with a computer assignment. Helena's daughter, who was busy with her social life, ignored Helena and avoided her with different excuses. Helena was extremely offended and responded with rage and alienation: "I always give everybody, so how do they dare to refuse when I finally ask for something. I cannot wait for the moment she will need me!"
The following vignette occurred 6 months into therapy and focused on the experience of time. During this period, Helena's functioning was more integrated with her inner world. She became more and more aware of her feelings, thoughts, and drives. She was afraid to lose control over her life but also said that she merely wanted to collapse. When I asked her what a �collapse� meant to her, she answered:"I want to be hospitalized, that someone will decide for me, what to do, when to do it. I want to be treated and taken care of.� 
In a response, I reflected Helena's exhaustion and her wish to finally give herself to the treatment of others. I said: "There is a part of you that needs to be cared for. You cannot handle this alone." On the transference level, I thought that she was actually asking for the therapy to serve as a mental matrix to collapse on. Therefore, I suggested that we increased the frequency of sessions.
Helena immediately agreed. She said that she always despised people who undergo psychoanalysis because it is purposed "for bored and indulgent people.'' Currently, she said that she is a little envious of them because of the opportunity to become deeply in touch with their inner world. Soon after that, Helena started to cancel her sessions. She explained that she was quite busy with her work and family duties and that the decision to increase the frequency of sessions was too impulsive. Nevertheless, when she finally arrived, she demanded that I will find her an alternative time instead of the lost (cancelled) session. Later in this session, she asked me to see her on her previous hour that, after she asked to replace, was reserved to another patient. 
Reflecting on that session, I thought about Helena's fantasy to live in therapy a subjective and reversible time. She desired that, despite the arrival of a new sister (new patient), it still would be possible to turn the clock back and exist in a timeless world. In our next session, Helena arrived distant and reluctant. She said that she had left our last meeting offended and humiliated. She said: "After I went back home I felt very sick and could not breath properly. I stayed in bed for hours. I felt that you, too, do not understand me. I realize that you do have limits and private time but I am tired of understanding! I want to be the little girl� that things would happen on my time."
I considered how to respond to Helena's' words. I thought it was important to explore her fantasy that I would always be there for her but in a way that would not expose her dependence, which at the moment was experienced as humiliating. Eventually, I said: �I know how much energy and strength you need to separate from me and function on your own, how tired you are from doing that over and over again." Helena said: "The best way for me is to come here whenever I feel like, that we would not have to schedule a regular session. Thus, when the therapy is over, there would not be an empty space in my schedule." This clinical material illustrates how Helena needed me to create an environment that is suited for her mental and physical rhythms and not vice versa. For Helena, taking the aspects of real time into consideration was actually a traumatic reconstruction of the primary environment that has prematurely demanded her to adapt herself to the external surrounding. Therefore, my intervention was aimed to recognize the unbearable pain involved in the encounter with external time limits through recognition of her efforts to organize herself when the environment fails to hold her. 
Essential writing on the role of the therapist in these situations could be found in Ogden's paper "Holding and Containing" (29). Ogden assumed that the role of the mother during the early holding period is to absorb for the baby all impacts of external time. This could be achieved by a total compliance to his needs. In this period, the infant lives in an inner time, rather than in the outside world. In this early stage of life, the realization of time is insufferable and disrupts the infant's �going on being� (27). Therefore, the role of the mother (or the therapist) is to create an illusion of a timeless world. In Etgar Keret's words (4), the therapist should �put the time to sleep.� An interesting example of this therapeutic attitude could be found in Winnicott's (30) brave compliance to a patient who asked for unlimited time sessions. 
These stances raise the question of how could the therapeutic situation, with its clear and constant boundaries; provide an illusion of a timeless world? In my opinion, this illusion could be created if the therapist repeatedly recognizes the patients' need to exist in his private time. It is also important to understand that the expectation to consider others' needs and wants may contain traumatic elements for the patient. I will use the following vignette to illustrate this point. 
A few months later in Helena's therapy, a more regressive phase began. Helena felt confused and disoriented: "For the first time in my life I am not totally in control." Suddenly, her menstrual cycle had ceased, and she felt that she is losing yet another connection to reality. She often described problems with fulfilling assignments on schedule and was overwhelmed by the demands of reality. For example, she was surprised to discover that she did not return her books to the library and realized she has to pay an extremely high penalty. Later on that week, she did not bring a watch to an examination and was totally indifferent to the time passing. Near the end of the examination, she realized that she answered only two of eight questions. Associating to these occurrences, Helena recalled that her friends always considered her clumsy and awkward. Even at present, her children are making fun of her slow eating. When everybody leaves the table, she is still eating her first course. 
I said to her: "You need time to digest. Now, you live in 'Helena time." Helena was very touched and relieved. After a long pause, she only said: "Thank you."
During this vulnerable period, Helena's husband supported her and gave her the space she needed. Then, his mother was diagnosed with a serious illness, and he became the one who required Helena's physical and mental support. Helena reported major difficulties with these role changes between them. Inside, she was angry with her husband's "neediness," but she also felt very ashamed for that.
After a weekend break, Helena arrived lame and said that, on her way to the hospital to visit her mother in law, she stumbled and injured her leg. Suddenly, she burst into tears and said that during the whole weekend, her husband expressed many needs from her. She felt he was over demanding and taking away the space she missed so much. Her husband even indicated that he feels that she unwillingly supports him. Helena said: "He makes me so angry. I thought that after all these years I can stop thinking of others and just do whatever I feel like... that I am the one who needs support now. But all of a sudden he wants me to take care of him �as if I should have known that my time was over and from now on the rules are changed, and I should have been there for him. It is so unfair that I should help him as well!"
For some time, I was completely caught up in the selfish tone and the entitlement sense of her words. Then, I tried to listen from the perspective of the �time of togetherness.� I realized that at this moment, Helena could not express empathy and consideration for others because that would mean living again the earlier impingements of the environment and the pressure to adapt herself to others. 
I thought that Helena was prematurely deprived of a timeless world and is therefore hurt and angry for being forced to �act like a grown-up� and be sensitive to others' needs. Guided by these understandings, I said to her: "The expectation for mutuality in a relationship is painful because you feel that you are forced too early, too fast, to function on your own. I think you are telling me that all of this is premature, that you cannot stand on your feet yet, and that you still have to receive from others." Helena said: "I feel that others' expectations are actually taking something from me. I don't know what it is, but I feel that it is something very important."

Summary
This paper presented several theoretical and empirical ideas, indicating a relation between traumatic incidents and disturbances in time experience. The basic tenet is that disturbances in time perception are designed to protect the self from the intolerable terror of trauma. Therefore, distortions in time experience are important indicators of a traumatic occurrence in the past of the patient. The clinical material presented in this paper illustrates how a premature awareness of time may be manifested in the patients' fantasy to live in a timeless world. In this paper, I suggest how the therapist should understand the patients' struggle with the demands of time and reality as well as his wish to share a timeless existence with the therapist. 
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Presence of Trauma in Time Experience

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